Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
is it fun? or sober?
Randomize