My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
Randomize
