I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
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