His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
Randomize
