I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
Randomize
