it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
Randomize
