it wasn't lemon gatorade
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
Randomize