i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
