look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize