I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
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