the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
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