im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
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