I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
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