Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
I have surprise drugs for everyone
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
