Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
Randomize