You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
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