Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Randomize
