Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
you are never too drunk for berry picking
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
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