He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
Randomize
