Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
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