I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
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