We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
Randomize
