You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
Randomize
