I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
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