On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
its whatevr the fuvk you could ever want is wht it is. i dont wanna read. literacy? overated in my opinion. overated.
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
