I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
just survived the first fart of the relationship.
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
