Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
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