Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Randomize
