It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
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