dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
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