My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Randomize