All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
Randomize
