highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
Randomize
