we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
3 2 1 whiskey
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
Randomize
