Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
Randomize
