Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
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