I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize
