I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
Randomize
