I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
Randomize
