Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
Randomize
