I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
Randomize
