On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize