when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
Also, any YOLOwl-related sex photos will result in you winning ten orgasms, courtesy of myself, as well as sweets and bacon-based dinner. All entrants welcome
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
Randomize
