The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize