I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
i would one night stand the shit outta him
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
Randomize
