I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
How drunk are you?
Completed.
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