dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
Randomize
