Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
Randomize
