Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
I want to be your penis for a week.
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
