you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
Randomize
