i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
Randomize
