porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
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