We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
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