I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
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