At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
Randomize
