Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
Randomize
