I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
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