no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
Randomize
