She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
Randomize
