can we get nightvision for the apartment?
i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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