who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
