I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
When did angry sex become our thing?
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
Randomize
