Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
Randomize
