if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
Randomize
