I can't breathe out the right side of my face
In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
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