you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
It's never too late to be topless.
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
Randomize
