i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
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