I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
Randomize
