His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
Randomize
