my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
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