Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
im having a threesome with these popsicles
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
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